Today I went to Target to spend my hard earned cash. Upon my arrival, I realized I had no idea what I was shopping for. I do this often, enter a store with money and little expectation only to exit later with less money and useless crap. I decided to buy a pair of jeans and perhaps a coat. Enter rant #2....Why, oh, why do people park theirs carts in the middle of the isle and then stand protectively next to it; thereby completely blocking the entire isle. Why do they do this? Americans are fucking RUDE, thats why. I say this AS an occasionally rude American and as the victim of several. My typical rude offenses don't extend past cutting people off in traffic or being an overzealous horn honker and most of that is due to my utter hopelessness as a shitty driver and I own up to that. Sigh, anyway, I left Target a $100 lighter and with shitty headphones which I hope to return tomorrow. No jeans. No coat. Epic Fail.
I have come to the conclusion that over time, I hope to progress from a Fat Chick with her rants to a Less Fat, Hopefully Thinner and Healthier Chick and her rants. This blog will be my little journal of weight loss and ever existing melancholy. Can't be all bad stuff though, I will work hard to find things to rave about.
Rave #1
Target team members are super rad. Not only are they happier then Walmart team members, but they are actually helpful. I approached a lad in the pharmacy area to inquire as to the whereabouts of disposable enemas and he was super helpful. Now I'd imagine questions regarding enemas not to be atypical , especially from anyone under the age of 60. To make things more interesting, I look younger then my already unadvanced age of 28 and I was wearing my white Jim Morrison tee with a dumb skirt and stupid shoes. Not the typical look of the user of enemas, i'd wager. Still this dude ( who couldn't be older then 18) didn't blink or smirk or say "uhhh" ( typical Walmart worker's response). He just said sure and took me 3 isles down and directed me to the very bottom isle where the disposable enemas dwell. Very rad, Target team member. Very rad. That's professionalism that should be expected but is so rarely actually executed that I gotta give some kudos. Woo. Hoo.
On the topic of Enemas......I have decided to do by monthly "colon cleanses" to help fuel my diet. I have heard great things about the benefits and I will be partaking in the "coffee" variety. Hopefully, all goes well.
So ends blog #2. Very glorious Indeed.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Introduction To my Rants n Raves
Initial Rant
Where did Punk Rock go? No, no. Where did the Punk Rock attitude go? Why, it's been recycled through our blood into our children, of course! Proof? All the dirty, violent little vermin that come into my job and throw candy on the floor and spit and destroy things and act out because their parents are ignoring them seem pretty punk rock to me.
1. Filthy - check
2. Screams all the time - check
3. Really bad hair - check
4. Hates authority - check
5. Juggles fecal matter - check
6. Eats out of trash cans - check
Is it GG. Allin or a 3 yr old? Seriously they even have them on drugs super young these days....little punks.
A little off topic...
Randomly, I remember bits and pieces of my childhood whilst engaged in unrelated activities. I was washing dishes a bit ago and listening to music on my mp3 player at random when "When I Come Around" by Green Day came on. I was instantly taken back to being 11 years old, in my bedroom listening to a local radio station. I had a bunch of Teddy Ruxpin tapes and I would put aluminum foil in the tops so I could tape over them with my favorite songs from the radio. On this day, I had just taped "Rooster" by Alice in Chains and No Name, the dj announced he'd be playing some Green Day in the next hour. I'd used up the last of my tapes and was frantic. I LOVED me some Green Day ( still do). I went into my moms room and grabbed one of her tapes ( Gladys Knight and the Pips? Who the hell are they, anyway), shoved wades of aluminum foil in the appropriate spots and was able to catch my fave Green Day song in time to record it. Yes! It was joyous....Until my mother happened across the cassette whilst getting my laundry. Now this memory sticks in my head because forever after, Green Day's "When I Come Around" became synonymous with the worst ass whipping I can remember receiving. I couldn't sit right for at least 2 days. If i'd been a smarter child, I wouldn't have used a cassette that was actually in my mothers cassettes player, but instead looked for one of her more obscure ones ( Who the FUCK is Cat Stevens?). That Gladys Knight and the Pips tape had my moms favorite "Booze Ballads" on it ( Booze Ballad: n. A song someone prefers to sing while heavily intoxicated). Ahh, memories.
And so it starts.
Where did Punk Rock go? No, no. Where did the Punk Rock attitude go? Why, it's been recycled through our blood into our children, of course! Proof? All the dirty, violent little vermin that come into my job and throw candy on the floor and spit and destroy things and act out because their parents are ignoring them seem pretty punk rock to me.
1. Filthy - check
2. Screams all the time - check
3. Really bad hair - check
4. Hates authority - check
5. Juggles fecal matter - check
6. Eats out of trash cans - check
Is it GG. Allin or a 3 yr old? Seriously they even have them on drugs super young these days....little punks.
A little off topic...
Randomly, I remember bits and pieces of my childhood whilst engaged in unrelated activities. I was washing dishes a bit ago and listening to music on my mp3 player at random when "When I Come Around" by Green Day came on. I was instantly taken back to being 11 years old, in my bedroom listening to a local radio station. I had a bunch of Teddy Ruxpin tapes and I would put aluminum foil in the tops so I could tape over them with my favorite songs from the radio. On this day, I had just taped "Rooster" by Alice in Chains and No Name, the dj announced he'd be playing some Green Day in the next hour. I'd used up the last of my tapes and was frantic. I LOVED me some Green Day ( still do). I went into my moms room and grabbed one of her tapes ( Gladys Knight and the Pips? Who the hell are they, anyway), shoved wades of aluminum foil in the appropriate spots and was able to catch my fave Green Day song in time to record it. Yes! It was joyous....Until my mother happened across the cassette whilst getting my laundry. Now this memory sticks in my head because forever after, Green Day's "When I Come Around" became synonymous with the worst ass whipping I can remember receiving. I couldn't sit right for at least 2 days. If i'd been a smarter child, I wouldn't have used a cassette that was actually in my mothers cassettes player, but instead looked for one of her more obscure ones ( Who the FUCK is Cat Stevens?). That Gladys Knight and the Pips tape had my moms favorite "Booze Ballads" on it ( Booze Ballad: n. A song someone prefers to sing while heavily intoxicated). Ahh, memories.
And so it starts.
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